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Tuesday, 02 December, 2008, 15:50.35
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News: All personal disputes MUST be kept off the forum or action will be taken against all parties.
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Author
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Topic: More crap jokes! (Read 123 times)
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SizeableHustle
Supporter Trusted
First Team
Karma: 457
 Offline
Posts: 867
I am not a monkey. Nil carborundum illegitimi.
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A man is sitting in a pub with his Jack Russell dog one Saturday afternoon. The football results are coming up on the television in the corner, "Liverpool 2, Tottenham Hotspur 1," reads the announcer in his normal, rather sedate, voice.
Suddenly the Jack Russell dog jumps up and shouts out, "Oh, no, not again."
The shocked landlord says, "That's amazing. Why did he say that when the result was announced that Tottenham lost?"
"Because he's a Spurs supporter," the dog's owner replies.
The landlord then asked what the dog says when Tottenham win a match, to which the man replied, "I don't know. I've only had him three years."
Snow White arrived home one evening to find her home destroyed by fire. She was especially worried because she'd left all seven dwarves asleep inside. As she scrambled among the wreckage, frantically calling their names, suddenly she heard the cry: "Spurs for the Cup."
"Thank goodness," sobbed Snow White. "At least Dopey's still alive!"
Joe always books two seats when he goes to watch a Millwall game. That's one to sit in and one to throw when the fighting starts.
Top tip for Chelsea fans: don't waste money on expensive new kits every season. Simply strap a large inflatable penis to your forehead, and everyone will immediately know which team you support.
Q. How many Manchester United fans does it take to change a light bulb?
A. (I) Three. One to change the light bulb, one to buy the "1999 light bulb changing" commemorative t-shirt and video, and one to drive the other two back to Torquay.
A. (II) Who cares, so long as it comes out in 4 different versions (£49.99 each), and changes twice every season?
Q.What's the difference between a hedgehog and the Chelsea team bus?
A. The Chelsea bus has more pricks!
`How did you enjoy your holiday in Israel?'
'Great!'
'Did you visit the Wailing Wall?'
'Yes - but I couldn't get near it for Chelsea supporters!'
A man and his wife went to the ticket office at White Heart Lane and, handing over a £20 note, said "Two, please."
"Thank you," said the man at the ticket office. "Would you like the goalkeeper and the centre forward, or are there two other players you'd like to buy instead?"
I've started watching Chelsea. My doctor says I should avoid any excitement.
Two Spurs fans are walking along. One of them picks up a mirror, looks in it and says, "Hey I know that bloke." The second one picks it up and says, "Of course you do, you thick git - its me!"
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Logged
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If I fall over I am going to make sure that I land on something soft.
Now I wanna sniff some glue
Now I wanna have somethin' to do
All the kids wanna sniff some glue
All the kids want somethin' to do.
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